Just so you all know...

The next person that brings up Roger Clemens gets a punch in the face. From me. I don't care about "The Rocket's re-launch," okay? I really don't.

He's old and, while he's still good, he's not what he used to be. And guess what, people? He's not going to single-handedly restore the Yankees to glory this season. If the Yanks make the postseason it will be because Robinson Cano will remove his head from his anus and the DL will no longer be easily confused with the expected starting lineup.

So the next time ESPN interrupts my viewing of anything to show his appearance with the Trenton Titans, I'm going to f**king lose it. I don't care if they interrupt the World Cup of Curling. That still takes precedence over an old dude embarassing some 20-something-year-old kids who are just trying to impress someone enough to live their childhood dream and play pro baseball. (end rant)

In other news, I will actually start posting consistently again soon.

State fans are crybabies...

... literally. Yeah, I said it, Jeff Kim. This video is proof positive that NC State fans are whiny crybabies with a bad case of denial. Sure, the kid probably still shits himself in bed at night, but he can still have a firm grasp on denial, and should be able to if he's a State fan at this age.



I have to hand it to the dad for doing a masterful job at brainwashing the child at such a young age. Even I, who have succeeded in brainwashing no fewer than four younger sibling/cousins, have to admire his ability to instill such emotional attachment so early in life. That said, the mother should be scolded for not properly teaching the child who to cheer for, though her ability to teach the child about the awful truths and consequences of being a State fan at such a young is admirable.

On a side note, I know I promised a "five reasons why UNC will win the national title" post (not that anyone other than me is reading this), but I don't like to jinx the team, so I didn't Just be assured I could think of five reasons that they can do it.

Five reasons UNC won't win the national title

Sunday's debacle in College Park forces us to acknowledge that, yes, our Heels are mortal and very well could bow out early. I hate to talk about this, because it makes me feel like less of a fan, but the truth is the truth, and the truth is this team has taken a fall lately, going 4-3 in the last seven games. Here's what those three losses have shown us.

5) Brandan Wright - Brandan Wright was darn close to becoming my favorite current UNC player early on. He was a block machine, he dunked, he played defense. His only problem? He couldn't hit a free throw if the basket were four feet wide. Since the start of ACC play, and since he became pretty much the consensus third pick in this year's draft, however, he's become complacent, half-assed on d, and still can't hit free throws. The only nice thing is that he still dunks. So long as his focus is the NBA draft and he pulls back on the reins to make sure that the doesn't get hurt and lower his draft stock, the team is hurt with him. Unless things pick up, he could actually become a liability in March.
4) Youth - This is quite the paradox. Last year, a good part of the reason that UNC was able to overcome Puke in Cameron Indoor and play so close in the Dean Dome was (aside from depth) the fact that the guys were so young, that some of them didn't seem to grasp the gravity of the rivalry and just played Dook as it if was just another team. This year, however, the youth seems to be getting to them at times. They play in close games and panic, because that's what young guys do. It's not like high school where every team they played had nothing on them. They're playing other high school stars and it gets to them at times. That could bite this team if they play a senior-laden mid-major or major team that's been there and can hold its composure better.
3) Foul shots - Season-long, the team has made 70.6 percent of its free throws. Not good. For the most part, it hasn't killed them. But in their losses, they flat-out haven't taken advantage of their chances. Maryland and VaTech part two were the best examples, where the game came down to missed free throws by Tyler and B-Wright. In close games, you need to make those shots, especially during the tournament, when there's no saying how much the refs will or won't let you get away with.
2) Poor shot selection - Wayne Ellington has one of the purest strokes I've ever seen. That said, there are times when he couldn't have worse shot selection; State, VaTech part two and Maryland come to mind. Reyshawn and Tyler are not immune either. Reyshawn and Wayne are most often guilty of hoisting three-point shots when they're entirely unnecessary as noted in my last posting. Tyler, meanwhile, is trying that mid-range shot that's still a 50 percent shot at best, and again, at inopportune times. All this appears to be signs of panic and, alternately, hero-seeking. They're either afraid that if they don't get the shot off right then, the team won't get one off at all, or they're trying to be hero for the day by hitting the clutch shot that shows up on SportsCenter. They'd be much bigger heroes to us all if they'd make the smart pass and win the game.
1) They don't show up in the not-so-big games - VaTech, NC State, VaTech (again) and Maryland. Four losses. All to teams that were portrayed as being significantly inferior to UNC this year, or, in VaTech's case, for many years. In each case, the team was not a bad one (like Miami or Wake), but rather a team with talent that simply that had struggled this year for whatever reason. VaTech proved that by being at the top of the standings. Maryland is on a five-game winning streak. NC State has young talent, just no depth. But, in each case, UNC walked in thinking, "This will be a 40-point slaughter just like it was against Wake and Miami," only to find out that's not how it always is. That might be an issue in the tournament. If they play a team like Delaware State that just flat-out isn't on the same field as UNC, no biggie. But if they play a team like (grrr) George Mason or VCU — teams that aren't as talented, but will die before they just lay down and give up against UNC — the Heels can kiss a Sweet Sixteen bid goodbye, much less the Final Four.

Now, before you leap down my throat and scream what a traitorous bandwagoner I am, know that I will be looking at this from the glass-half-full perspective tomorrow. Because there are plenty of reasons why this team could win the national championship after all.

Thoughts on UNC

Specifically on the UNC-VaTech game. Let me start by saying, what in Holy Hell is going on in Chapel Hill? I mean if you told me before the season that we'd get swept by any team, the first thing I would have said would be "no f**king way," then I would have guessed GaTech. Getting swept by VaTech is UNBELIEVABLE. This team is talented, but dadgummit if they don't have the Randy Moss, "I play when I want to" attitude, which is exactly why I have to say right now, I don't think we're winning the national championship anymore. On that note a couple thoughts after watching the game:

1) Free Throws- I love Roy, but right now, I'd really like to know what in God's Holy name is going on in practice. This team missed 12 free throws. I know that hitting 25 is awesome, but 25 out of 37 is absolutely dismal in a close game like this. That's 12 points they left on the floor in a 1-point game.

2) Officiating- Speaking of free throws and fouls, the ACC has to have the worst refs in the entire nation. And no, I'm not just whining that UNC didn't get any calls. BOTH teams got screwed as seems to happen in every ACC game. I would think that being the best basketball conference in the country, we would make sure we have the best refs, but apparently not.

3) Tyler Hansbrough- Tyler, I NEVER thought I would say this, but you're trying to do WAY too much on defense. I love the effort. I really do. But my God, you get beat on the pick-and-roll and screens almost as much as Shaq. And sometimes you're not even just failing to recover. Twice I saw someone try to pick you, but rather than switching off, you tried to double-team and force the turnover. Nice effort, but it led to a wide-open three-pointer both FUCKING TIMES. STOP IT. Go back to being the guy that does what he's supposed to, when he's supposed to.

4) Offense-
Dear Reyshawn and Wayne Ellington,

You are both skilled players. Reyshawn, you have no basketball IQ, but you are athletic. However, I'd like to bring something to your attention. I'm not sure you're aware of this, but there's two guys on your team named Tyler Hansbrough and Brandan Wright. They too, are skilled basketball players and are proven scorers in the post. Nonetheless, I can't help but notice that you both like to hoist a lot of three-point shots at unnecessary, and sometimes inopportune moments. If you both shot lights out like Reggie Miller, I'd really have no problem with this, but this evening you shot a combined 2-9 from three range. This makes me sad, and often when I get sad, I get mad and hurt myself and others. Thus, for all our sakes, namely mine, my heart and the arteries in my brain, I ask that you only shoot when it's really necessary. (Necessary being NOT when Tyler or Brandan are open in the post, or when the team is up by one with less than two minutes left and Tyler and Brandan are being covered by guys with four fouls each.) I would appreciate it as me having a massive coronary or aneurysm benefits no one but Kaiser Permanente.

Regards,
Schwindle
fanatic Tar Heel fan

Those are my thoughts. I'm going to go outside and sit in the freezing rain until my homicidal thoughts cease, or I'm taking to Montgomery General with hypothermia, whichever comes first.

The Apocalypse is upon us

So, tonight is THE game for everyone Carolina fan in the country. That said, as we all know with this rivalry, ANYTHING could happen in the game, so there is the reasonable possibility that I might be mourning tomorrow. Since I'm already awful about updating the blog, I figured I should get some comments in there now.

Namely, Butch Davis is THE MAN. Not The Man, as in "I'm stuck at a menial job because The Man is holding me down." THE MAN as in, I'm considering giving my first two children the middle names of "Butch" and "Davis" respectively. I don't care if I have two girls. If he keeps recruiting like this, the hours and thousands of dollars I will have to spend on my first daughter's therapy because of the lesbian jokes associated with her middle name being "Butch" will totally be worth it.

Today he convinced the top defensive tackle in the country to become a Tar Heel. He beat out FSU to do it, by using the academic angle! That's right! Free Shoes University finally lost a kid because of substandard academics!! Amazing.

And he didn't stop there. He convinced Dwight Jones, who is attracting EVERYONE'S attention to become the possession WR that Mike Paulus uses. AND he got Greg Little to decomitt from NOTRE DAME (!!!!) to become the deep threat the team needs. All in all, he pulled in (depending on who you talk to) the 15th-17th best recruiting class in the country. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

Does that mean UNC is in a bowl game next year? Not at all. In fact, I'll say we should be happy with 4-6 wins. But with a whole year to recruit an even better class and with his skill at turning strong defensive prospects into great defensive players, the days of losing to Clemson 52-7 are over. It's a little early to say UNC is ready to return to Mack Brown's glory days of #4 in the nation and 11-1 seasons, but it's a start.

YOU ARE THE MAN, BUTCH!

I have a new team to hate...

UPDATE: Well, since I wrote this, Peyton and the Colts rallied from 18 down to pull it out against the Evil Empire. It should also be noted that Tom "the greatest clutch QB in the NFL" Brady blew the game with an interception with 18 seconds left. So I will be watching the Super Bowl after all. Nonetheless, the rest of this article remains accurate.


So, as many of you know, my sports fandom is predicated on two things: 1) My love of Carolina, the Giants and, to a lesser extent, the New Jersey Devils and Orioles; and 2) My undying hatred of Duke, the Yankees, and, again to a lesser degree, the Redskins and the Eagles.

Other hates have come and gone. I hold a special contempt for NC State. The Ravens were the focus of much rage for several years, as was UConn. And lately, I've really had a strong distaste for Red Sox, Nationals and Carolina Hurricanes. But mostly, I've focused on disliking the Patriots.

Well, I can officially say that, after today, the Patriots have been promoted to permanently holding a position in my circle of contempt. I HATE THE PATRIOTS. I hate everything about them. They have the smug cockiness of Duke with the annoying sense of entitlement that goes with the Yankees. Tom Brady, according to just about every sports writer and half-witted sports fan in existence, can walk on water, turn water to wine and would, apparently, beat Jesus Christ in a boxing match because he "just knows how to win." Nevermind that he never does anything to win, he's just relied on a kicker to do all the work.

And now, he and the Patriots have forced me into something I thought would never happen. EVER. This year, for the first time since I knew what football was, I will not watch the Super Bowl. I won't. I would rather undergo water-boarding for three hours than watch that suck fest between the Chicago "we couldn't have backed our way into this more if we tried" Bears and the New England Darth Vaders. Maybe I'll keep the game in the Picture-in-Picture so I can at least watch the commercials during timeouts, but while the game is on, I'll be watching a movie or something. All I know is, I won't allow myself to be tormented by watching the Patriots get call after call until they win the Super Bowl. I won't.

So there you have it. I leave you with this. The "Tuck Rule" can go to hell.

I'd be remiss...

if I didn't take the time to say goodbye to my favorite coach in the ACC, Chuck"les the clown" Amato. If there was ever a coach that was worse than John Bunting in the ACC, then it was good old Chuck who ALWAYS knew how to beat FSU, but couldn't beat Carolina if he was fielding a team of All-Americans (which his defense basically was) and Carolina fielded a JV squad (which they basically did on defense). I'll miss the guaranteed win against with an Amato-coached team. So, to say goodbye, I give you the best of Chuck Amato.

It's been a while...

But, I'm tired and lazy and not having such a good night, thus we shall return to Quick Hits. Only a five hit addition.

1. Fare thee well John Bunting. It's been real. It's been ... not fun. Your six years were good for establishing our program as one that takes very seriously the illegal actions of its players by kicking them off the team. Unfortunately, it also established our alma mater as one of the worst in the ACC, nay the NCAA. In six years, you have had as many 30+ point losses and games in which the team has given up 45+ points as had happened in the 60 years previous. You're a nice guy, but a crappy coach. Good luck elsewhere.

2. Hopefully, we can say fare thee well soon to Tom Coughlin. Tom, you have to be the worst game manager in the NFL. This is the second time in three weeks that you've allowed your team to collapse after dominating for the early part. On top of that, the players clearly aren't responding to you anymore. I think it's time for you to take up golf.

3. Eli Manning. Two thoughts on him. A) In the offseason, the Giants should either sign or draft a new QB. His role? He would take over for Eli in game 9 of the year before Eli's inevitable second half choke. Then the year after, he'd take over in game 10 and so on, until Eli is comfortable playing a whole season. I really think he thinks this is college and you only need to play well for 10 games. B) That said, if his name were Eli (any other last name than Manning) and played for a team outside of New York City, we'd be saying, "Man, he's really maturing more with every year. He's going to be great one day." Instead, you'd think he's responsible for every bad thing to bad to New York from that funky smell that emanates from the sewers, to the Yankees trading for A-rod. Give it a rest. We know he's not his brother. Give him some time, he'll become consistent and be an elite QB.

4. Losing to Gonzaga was for the best for Carolina basketball. Yes, it sucks that we're not undefeated. Yes, it sucks that we can't take advantage of Florida's loss to be ranked No. 1 for the first time since 2001. But, the plusses are two-fold. The loss will play the same role that the Santa Clara loss had in 2004-05. We know we're not invincible and we know our weaknesses, and we've been humbled. The team showed that against Tennessee. That brings up the second plus. It will make it that much more convincing that we're the No. 1 team in the country when we beat soon-to-be No. 1 Ohio State Wednesday.

5. I hate Coach K.

Happy Halloween

... Carolina style.
(Yeah, I did that myself. And no, I'm not gay.)

It happened...

From ESPN.com:

John Bunting is out as North Carolina's football coach but will remain with the Tar Heels through the rest of this season, school officials said Sunday night.

Bunting met with athletic director Dick Baddour earlier in the day and was told he would not return next season. The players were informed of the decision during an evening meeting, and school officials said Bunting and Baddour would discuss the decision further during a news conference on Monday.

Bunting, a former linebacker at North Carolina, was largely blamed for the Tar Heels' miserable season in which they have yet to defeat a Division I-A opponent.

"I am disappointed and of course I don't agree with the decision, but I know I must accept it," Bunting said. "My love for this great university has not and never will waver. I am proud of the many great things we have accomplished over the past six years. We simply have not won enough games this year."

I know I just finished a huge diatribe on Friday about how it was time for him to go, but I am still sorry it had to end this way. As I said, I always appreciated Bunting's love for Carolina and the fact that clearly this was his dream job. Nevertheless, for him and for Carolina's program, I believe it was time for a change.

Good luck John in your next venture.